My first ever spoken word poem
Childish Mindsets
Written January 2012
Childish Mindsets
I can’t go a car ride in LA traffic with out seeing a student of the month bumper sticker on some mother’s mini van.
And I’m not sure if it’s the school I go to or just who I am
But sometimes I wanna yell out the window,
3 time student of the month winner and u don’t see me showing it on my back side
you mother…well you mothers.
Life’s got me on a competitive edge
You can eat bitter things?
Well I can eat a whole lemon wedge
And its rind
Well no I can’t
That’s gross
But soon enough in time, I’ll be able to.
Too much waiting,
Too much time wasted
Too long ago,
All my worries consisted of was being able to spell Mississippi like the big kids did
M-I-S-S-I-S-S-
I pee pee in my pants only occasionally kind of big kid
And being able to hold my breath underwater for more than 20 seconds…like the big kids did
Because if you could hold your breath,
You could do anything
Like die
Or pass out
Or lose braincells
Death was only for old people though
And passing out was what all the cool big kids said they’ve done at least once
It was like dying but not
And losing braincells
Well…I didn’t even know my brain sold anything
So no losses there
I was invincible
Cool kid with a rolling back pack and vegan lunchable
That was the life.
I honestly don’t know when I lost my.
Childhood
Like a game of hide and go seek gone bad
Hide and go, disappear I call it
I guess you could say it was all about my perception
Or maybe the inception to my deception
Like the first time I watched Disney Channel
Thinking middle school students really do wear stiletto high heels in school
For higher education in fact
Or maybe it was the time I saw Elmo printed on a thong
For a 3 year old in Ross
God willing it was only just a bib with a few extra strings for ultimate protection
Or maybe it was the first time I heard my mom belch the S word
Like the most fowl hiss I’ve ever heard
The s lingering like the sound of ocean waves crashing
SsssHUT-UP
She exclaimed
And I watched in my head as god did back flips across the Garden of Eden
How horrifying
My eye’s widen
No they closed and my hands clasped
I prayed she’d be forgiven for that shit
Because she really was a good person.
WAS as in past tense as in once you start being big
You start to despise your mother
All of a sudden her lap is too small for you
And she can’t pick you up or you’ll break her back
And I only thought that was if you stepped on a sidewalk crack
And I only thought weeds were what grew inside those cracks
But apparently for big kids they grow inside your lungs like mushroom clouds
Giving you little bursts of ecstasy called highs
Pause
Are you above the influence
Because if you aren’t you’ll end up
Standing still
Yet traveling through time
As several of your
friends shave your head and change your clothes
over
and over and over again
like they did in that commercial
with the big arrow
no not the cupid kind
that makes love
the kind of love that Isn’t permanent
as it’s only a spell
spell from hell
like words
like L-O-V-E with a silent e just like my name
don’t ask how the e came
My parents always told me not to waste
but that just seems like a waste of letters
Like rapidly depleting pen ink
Like each time I write a silent letter
I secretly twitch because the unnecessary hand movements are kind of waste
Like writing is already tiring and hard enough as it is waste
Like I once wrote a whole story backwards with my NOT dyslexic self once waste
But don’t worry grammar kings and queens
Every silent E was all up and through that story
Yes I was weird
And
I was
the kind of child that wanted to know what love really meant
I LOVED being student of the month
Building with blocks
And teachers
No I was not the teacher’s pet
The teachers pet’s name was
Well I forget because that’s what big kids do they forget
But he was a crab
No literally a crab with claws
Who lived in a glass box
Till one day someone took him home and brought him back dead
Murder! (which is also what big kids do)
No I was the teachers helper
The kind that gets to lick envelopes like popsicles
Until they become translucent and drip of my saliva
The kind that laughs at all the big kid jokes and get’s to be the line leader
teacher’s helper
I was born to be a line leader
But not a pledge of Alieger
As in pledge of Alegiance
As in I got in trouble once for not dedicating myself to America
Hand over my heart I cried in hysteria
As the teacher made me say the pledge of Allegiance in front of the whole school
It was only because I did not like the colors red white and blue
And I didn’t know anything about America
So why would I pledge to you.
Why couldn’t we pledge our allegiance to life
Or allegiance where allegiance is due.
Why couldn’t we pledge our allegiance to you
Childhood
Memories of scraped knees
Climbing trees
Falling from the sky off of swing sets
Cute little beads and too many hair barrettes
Throwing up in the middle of class
Asking my mother to kiss my boo boo.
Being confused
Yet perfectly content with it.
I miss making no sense
And not being embarrassed because of it
So maybe it’s not my competitive edge or the school I go to
Maybe its because each time I see a student of the month bumper sticker
I think of you childhood
As you roll away in the distance
I miss you because you left too soon
And for you
I’d eat a whole lemon
And it’s rind
Just for you to just to come back.
